The Problem with the Hook-Up Culture

At the President's Ball last night, one of my friends who I don't see very often turned to me and asked me if I had a boyfriend. "No," I replied. "Have you hooked up with anyone?" "No." "What!? Really? You're in college and you've never hooked up or had a boyfriend?" "Nope." That set me thinking.

Hooking-up.

Chances are you've done it, have friends who have, or at least look forward to doing it in the future.

My history professor asked my class if people "date" anymore. Everyone looked at each other awkwardly, half-laughed, and said "Well..." Looking around me, I can't say that I have seen more than a select few people (and God bless them) who are in steady, monogamous relationships. When I say that, I don't mean "friends with benefits;" I mean people who have dated, fallen in love, and who are true to each other.

College is a candy shop filled to the brim with beautiful, desirable, (mostly) intelligent, and (usually) willing people. There are so many choices to make, chances to take, and people to fall in love with. Why, then, can't we move beyond hooking up?

I learned that someone in my acquaintance who will remain anonymous is a hook up fiend. Or maybe the term is a "man whore." Anyway, he flits from girl to girl, kisses and tells, and has gotten himself a reputation. Why can't people stop hurting each other with train in the night romances and take a chance with one person?

It's a product of our culture that says commitment is bad, that it holds us back from pleasure and fun, that we should get it whenever and wherever we can. In fact, it hurts people, makes them feel empty, devalues relationships, and leads to no real fulfillment. Love, sex, and the body are things to respect, not to trade like cards.

No, I have not hooked up. I hope I won't. I'm waiting for someone who's willing to take a chance on me and not just take me for a test-drive.

A New Philosophy of Looking at the World

In the past few weeks, I found myself questioning a lot of my core beliefs which I had thought were static and unchanging. Apart from the initial shock of such a reconsideration, I have come to think that this might have been a good thing after all. In my honors Philosophy class, we are currently studying Baruch Spinoza, an early modern philosopher who believes in strict pantheism (specifically, monism), or the school of thought that asserts that all things share one essence and one existence.

Initially, I was interested by Spinoza's theory; however, looking at his philosophy through the lens of my personal experience, it suddenly all clicked. Spinoza argues that we all share one essence, that of existence, and that we are all united in one body. From a religious perspective, God--whose essence is existence and infinity and perfection--is within all aspects of creation and, in fact, is all creation. Ultimate contentment comes from an understanding of the self as a part of the whole and as a piece of the ultimate being. Through reason and the use of our power to actively consider ourselves, our emotions, and our decisions, we come to a knowledge of the divine within all things and, consequently, a further understanding of ourselves in the universal spectrum. We, as rational and heavenly beings, are not chained down by sin or held back because we are of a "lower" substance or class than a deity, but instead have the power to examine and understand ourselves and to evolve and change ourselves to active and, thus, content beings.

What a wonderful way to live! We are all a part of some grand fabric of existence and need only to realize that we are a part of it and to reach contentment. We are not individuals, but part of the whole. We are all one and have the capacity for excellence. We exist for a reason because we are existence in itself. We have the power to make decisions, to look at ourselves, and to make ourselves better. It teaches that, as beings who share in the divine nature, we do freely what is best.

That is why I like Spinoza.

Rather than being held down by passions and fixations, we can rise above the concupisence of this world and reach true excellence.

"Blessedness is not the reward of virtue, but virtue itself. We do not enjoy blessedness because we keep our lusts in check. On the contrary, it is because we enjoy blessedness that we are able to keep our lusts in check" (Ethics V, Prop 42).

So, I guess I was freaking out

After my existential crisis of the last two posts, I sat down, took a deep breath, thought about my life, and said, "Heck, why make myself miserable over things I cannot know and cannot control? Why go through life with a frown when I could go through it with a smile and a laugh?"

Lame, right? But, anyway, I have decided to live a happier life, unplagued by irrational and depression-inducing fears.

I have been much happier with myself lately. I have been trying to really be myself and I feel a lot better. I have been on top of and ahead of my work, and consequently feel much more useful and mentally engaged.

In addition, I have realized that the feelings I had for a friend of mine have come back as of yesterday evening. He's been having a rough time lately and I haven't been seeing much of him, but I want to spend some time with him and just talk. I'm throwing away any hesitation and am going to go for it. This will probably not go anywhere, but last night reminded me of why he's my friend and why I have always had such an admiration for him. I hope that I can at least make him feel better.

So, I've taken a 360' turn. Life is good and I'm going to make it better!