So here I am--almost one month into my sophomore year of college--sitting in my room as the rain continues to come down in the Bronx. Since my return to Fordham and my friends which I have here, I have made quite a few observations of myself and things I would like to change about myself.
I feel as if, in my freshman year, I sold myself a little bit short. I really liked the person I was at the end of high school. She was funny, smart, in control, and she knew who she was. She wasn't concerned about what other people thought about her because she knew she was doing what was right.
I feel like when I came to college, I lost a little part of myself. When you go to college, you come in with a tabula rasa; no one knows you. However, I find myself wishing more and more that people knew me and not the intimidated and odd version of myself which has come about. I feel like people don't know me and that I don't know how to change that. It's going to take a lot of work and a helluva lot of soul-searching. As Regina Spektor says, "You can write, but you can't edit." Once you establish yourself as a certain someone, you can't change it. I hope it's not too late for me to go back to that person I was and really show people who I am.
I had a really good Saturday last weekend. I hung out with some very good friends, whom I hadn't spent time with in a while. And I was just happy. I was myself, without reservations. I didn't feel like some fake semblance of myself. Sadly, I have realised that one of my closest friends from last year is not the person I thought they were. And I feel like when we are together I am compromising myself because I'm putting on an appearance of well-being and being someone I don't like and want to be.
SO: from now on, I want to be myself. Nothing more and nothing less. Just me. In all my nerdy, quirky, and genuine ways. That's all I want. Life is too short not to be happy with yourself.
No more selling myself short, no more pretending, and no more crap--what you see is what you get.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment